Introduction

Me:
       I named my newborn son Ethan Atlas.  It was mainly because I loved the name Atlas and what it represented.  The Greek God "Atlas" held up the world; he was strong.  I know, it seems like I am already putting a lot of pressure on him.  The name Atlas says that I expect him to grow up and not conquer the world, but even scarier-hold it on his shoulders.  It only seems that way, I would never be so cruel.  Instead, it just represents that he will be strong of character.

     Atlas seemed like it would be a good first name, but kids are mean!  He would be the butt of a ton of jokes because of his different name.   Unique names are easy targets.  For example, other little kids in the hospital next to him were Ramen, and Charmin.  Those are Chinese noodles and toilet paper, not names.

      Atlas then became his middle name (he could choose to go by it if he would like) and the search for a good first name started.  My wife and I ran a bunch of ideas past each other, and we couldn't find one that fit.  On one occasion, I remember asking "What about 'Jack'?"   I looked at my wife's pregnant belly and called out my son's name to try it on for size,  "little Jack Atlas."  I paused and realized very quickly that Jack Atlas was not going to be his name.  Jack Atlas sounds too close to swearing.

      Ethan Atlas seemed to fit, and I realized that I thought a lot about that name.  All that stress, just because I want the best for him. These are my thoughts about trying to be a good parent.

Ethan Atlas: 
      I came at thirty six weeks, so what?  I did fine, didn't I?  My dad should stop stressing out about my health.  All I gotta do is just eat, slumber, and mustard poop.

     Besides, I am a lady slayer check out this onesie.

     Dad, I know you're trying to be a good parent.

      
God: 
      Atlas...Atlas?  Thou Shalt have no other gods before me! Feel my wrath of more gray hairs, and no sleep!!!!

      My son, these are my thoughts about you trying to be a good parent.